Nasu

Greg just told me that travelingstar called him this afternoon. usan was bodysurfing today and got pulled out by a riptide.

I'm stunned. I keep thinking that there must have been a mistake. Then, I picture his lean, muscular body in a black wetsuit, pulled under the waves. And then, his face--his always-cartoon face, slack and quiet and still.

I keep thinking about the last time I saw him, he and vesper_fire rolling their asses off at New Year's, looking unearthly and etheral and eldritch beyond compare. I remember that funny grin, that cockscomb of hair, the beautiful set of his hips. usan lived life like almost no one I knew--wild and free and unfettered.

I am so glad he didn't die in something stupid, like a car accident. No, usan died as only usan could--bodysurfing the Pacific Ocean in February, dressed in a wetsuit.

usan. Hah. Fuck that.

His name was Nasu. It means "eggplant" in Japanese, which should give you some clue as to the nature of his character. Nasu Dyami, you died under the name you chose, in the life you chose, loving the woman you chose. I know times were not always easy, but she burns so, so bright--a good, strong, firey match for you. Lack of passion was never your weakness.

I am so fortunate to have known you, to have worked with you, to have learned from you. You had your flaws, dear Nasu, but you were a fine human being. I remember you running around naked at Dan and Phil's, up in Steamboat. I remember you and Lee doing Slip 'n' Slides down the hill, and the conversation about inflating the foreskin of an uncircumcized cock (and a beautiful one it was, too). The only thing I regret about knowing you was not taking full advantage of the possibility of that night in January after the photo shoot, with the pack of us sleeping over at my and J's place.

I don't know what to say, except that you lived on the edge of possibility, of imagination, between the improbable and the completely impossible.

You are one of the most amazingly freespirited people I have ever met, and I have learned so, so much from you. There are firespinning moves that I do that always make me think of you when I do them. I remember the two of us working together for the Conclave last summer--the hitch in your get-along the night of the "show me." I remember overhearing you and vesper_fire making love in the afternoon out on the playa. I remember how angry you were at the fucker that broke into Greg's truck. I remember you pushing yourself damn near to collapse out on the playa, building and building and building.

*laugh* I joked with you about wearing your boyshorts for New Year's. And damn you, but you did.

What a magnificent, wonderful, brilliantly amazing man. You will be missed.